I figured out why Trump is invading Portland

[jmowreader]

It's because those communist liberals in Portland might raise the Steel Bridge, and Good Patriotic Americans will have to swim the Columbia River to get from the Oregon Convention Center to Voodoo Doughnut.

Never mind that...

1. It's the Willamette River you'd have to swim to do that. If you swim the Columbia, assuming you don't get run over by a grain barge in the process, you'll come ashore in Vancouver, WA. AND...the Steel Bridge is not close to the Columbia.

2. There are two perfectly good bridges that can't be raised, that you can walk right across to get to Voodoo Doughnut. You're better off using the Burnside Bridge rather than the Steel Bridge to get into Old Town because once you're down on Burnside Street Voodoo Doughnut's a block south.

AND...

3. There's more than one branch of Voodoo Doughnut, and one of 'em is on the same side of the river as the Convention Center.

But it might happen, so invasion is justified.

[Wonder Why]

1. Because Maine is a border state and Donnut doesn't know there are two Portlands.

[OldSWODog]

4. oh, the tanks are in Maine

...I was wondering why it was so quiet here...cheers, OSD

[Wonder Why]

5. That was nice of you to say tanks. You're welcome!

[Jack Valentino]

14. Ah, many more than two Portland's.... we have a little one northwest of Lansing, Michigan...

hope he's not sending troops there....

[Wonder Why]

15. That MAGAtville, MI?

[OldSWODog]

2. now you can't

just go and harsh the Dear Leader's mellow by noting inconvenient facts that are hoaxes...cheers, OSD (in Portland adjacent Beaverton)

[taxi]

3. And some with tears in their eyes were saying,

Sir, you are going to need the best concrete you can get for the ballroom. The contractors are intent on using portland cement for the slab and we cannot allow the very base of your monument to be from a terrible place like Portland. You're going to have to take over the city.

Portland cement is the product obtained by pulverizing clinker, consisting of hydraulic calcium silicates to which some calcium sulfate has usually been provided as an interground addition. When first made and used in the early 19th century in England, it was termed portland cement because its hydration product resembled a building stone from the Isle of Portland off the British coast. The first patent for portland cement was obtained in 1824 by Joseph Aspdin, an English mason.

https://www.concrete.org/frequentlyaskedquestions.aspx?faqid=671

[Blue Full Moon]

6. The George Floyd protests in 2020

For social change.

[RockRaven]

7. Nah, he thinks he's invading Poland like his idols.

His refusal to wear reading glasses strikes again.

[Klarkashton]

8. Bridge...Portland closed the Hawthorne bridge to give

The proud boys and other Nazis safe foot passage to the waterfront park. Soon after that act of kindness we were all repaid with J6. Same assholes.

[no_hypocrisy]

9. He wants to be invited to be a guest on the Thom Hartmann Show.

[Abolishinist]

10. One word... Ketchup

[jmowreader]

11. Why would he want that ketchup?

The ketchup he likes comes in a Number 10 can.

[Abolishinist]

12. Plus, it's organic.

He wants his ICE (Interior Catsup Enforcement) agents to rid our country from this outside threat to REAL American ketchup.

[Bettie]

13. When I first glanced at it

I saw "invading Poland"....now I am laughing, not at him being in Portland, but because with the Hitler vibes, there was a non-zero chance it was actually that.