U.S. Reaches Trade Deal With Pedotopia

[edbermac]

WASHINGTON—In a major new agreement expected to provide the United States with unprecedented market access to the island nation, President Donald Trump announced Friday that he had finalized a long-anticipated trade deal with Pedotopia.

Despite years of tension between the two leaders, Trump smiled and gave a thumbs-up as he shook hands with Prime Minister Felix Orwick of Pedotopia, lauding the “special relationship” he shared with his mustachioed counterpart. The pact follows months of heated negotiations that reportedly made use of a diplomatic back channel with Pedotopia maintained by American casting directors, superyacht owners, youth ministers, and scoutmasters.

“Today I’m proud to announce another great trade deal for the American people, perhaps the greatest deal in our nation’s history,” Trump said of the accord, which requires Pedotopia to purchase two dozen F-35 fighter jets, 3 million tons of American soybeans, and 100,000 U.S.-born preteens over the next decade. “My administration was able to find a lot of common ground with Pedotopia. Other presidents have tried, but this is the first time anyone has succeeded.”

“We look forward to having Pedotopia as a partner—it’s a wonderful country,” Trump continued. “They say it has some of the most gorgeous Catholic cathedrals in the world. And the children there are beautiful, just beautiful.”

https://theonion.com/u-s-reaches-trade-deal-with-pedotopia/