BREAKING SATIRE: Trump announces the White House Situation Room will be remodeled as the Happy Ending VIP Massage Lounge
CNN WASHINGTON: Donald Trump unveiled his latest remodeling project, the White House Situation Room.
The White House Situation Room was built in 1961 under the orders of President John F. Kennedy. A massive $50 million gut renovation was completed in 2023.
Trump told reporters "I got the idea from a guy I knew in Palm Beach. Can't remember his name. I think he's dead now. He had one in his mansion. You'd go in there and there's be these chicks giving guys massages. I told myself right then and there that if I ever became president, I'd make the taxpayers build one of those for me."
As a reporter began to ask another question, Trump interjected "Excuse me...EXCUSE ME...I SAID I didn't know this guy well. Hardly at all. That's why I can't remember his name. If I aced six cognitive exams that Biden and Obama couldn't pass if they tried, I think I'd remember a guy's name. If I knew him. Which I didn't."
Asked if he'd be festooning the facility with his customary faux gold decorations, Trump replied "Sure...I want it to be consistent with the other areas of the White House he was destroying.
When asked if he was doing this out of retribution for his name being removed from the John F Kennedy Center For The Performing Arts, he replied "No. I don't think about that. I don't think about it at all, just like I never think about whether you can afford gas or groceries, Piggy."
MORE DETAILS AS THEY DEVELOP.