This is so bad.

[LuckyCharms]

My dog was euthanized a little over 2 weeks ago.

I've lost both parents, both parents-in-law, my brother to Covid, 40 aunts and uncles (15 siblings on father's side + their spouses, 5 siblings on mother's side, + their spouses), apx. 20 first cousins, and 3 dogs...

And I've NEVER grieved as hard as I am now for my latest dog.

I don't know what the fuck is the matter with me. It got better for about a day, but now it is getting worse every day. It's affecting me physically and functionally. I have not been active since he passed away. I took the garbage out today, came inside, started crying, and puked.

I'm looking for a therapist or psychiatrist online. I may need to get back on medication if this doesn't get better soon. I crashed hard in 2000 with major depression, and this feels even worse than that.

All these therapists that I'm finding online...i don't know. They are all younger than me, and I just don't know...

I have this beautiful picture of him on the wall in the room where I sleep. I caress his image every night. I live in a 75 year old house that is plastered. The plaster is in great shape, no cracks, and the day he died, a crack on the wall and ceiling appeared in the plaster right above his picture. I'm viewing it as a sign that that is where his soul went...it went UP.

I'm just venting. I won't be able to respond. I'm so distraught...not sure if this is normal or not.

Thanks for reading, and have a good day.

[MiHale]

1. Venting is good Lucky...it's a release...

Better than keeping it bottled up…that’s unhealthy. You’re doing it the right way….you know everybody here is behind you. We’re here to catch ya when you fall..

[biophile]

2. It's definitely normal to feel intense grief, especially now

We are all raw with emotion and stress these days. I hope you can find solace in therapy or at least the thought that his soul went UP and yet is still with you.
Peace to you!

[Srkdqltr]

3. Venting is healthy. 🫂 hugs.

[3catwoman3]

4. When/if you feel able, might it help to volunteer at a shelter?

I'l bet your dog would heartily approve of the love you still feel for him being extended to others.

[Hey Joe]

5. These are tough times to live through now,

especially when you also are older and have lost so many friends and family and then lose another.
I just lost a good friend of over 30 years just two days after we spoke and made plans for a motorcycle ride and lunch. Two days later he died sitting in his truck, getting ready to leave his house. Heart attack.
The loss has been hard to deal with amid all the destruction we all are experiencing right now and every single day.
Wishing you all the best Lucky.
I definitely feel for you.

[littlemissmartypants]

6. ❣️

[justaprogressive]

7. I'd Adopt

a 9-week old kitten. He/she will give you the love you need and make you laugh while doing so.

Just what you need to fill a heart with a hole in it.

[2naSalit]

8. The fear of...

Falling into deep depression is one of the reasons I have not had another pet since the last one disappeared in 2003. I went into a tailspin, she was my ONLY close living thing at the time and it broke me.

Losing a pet is often worse than losing a person, if you can find a therapist it would probably be good for you. The not knowing part is the depression trying to lead you away from getting help. Try one or two of them and see if the fear of their age is for real a thing to fear.

We're all here for you so take some solace in that!

[PittBlue]

9. This.

They asked:
"Why does losing a pet hurt so much?"
I said:
Because they were never just a pet.
They were a heartbeat at your feet, a silent companion through every storm, a soul who loved you more than they loved themselves.
When they go, they take a part of you with them. But they
leave behind all the love they gave-and that's what keeps you breathing.
- Rainbow Bridge

[SuzyandPuffpuff]

10. I've had dozens

Dozens of pets I've loved to distraction... but ten years later when I see a pic of my Scaredy ... I still lose it. I adored that cat. She was hilarious tricky smart loving and on and on and she was my buddy. No ez answers. Just thankful that she and I got to share each other's lives.

[Niagara]

11. It's called trauma, Lucky

It doesn't matter if a professional is younger than you. They're qualified to put you in a professional setting and help stabilize your nervous system.
It's time to reach out to either one.


I believe that you would make a great foster parent once you manage this trauma. You would help save a life while preparing an animal for adoption.

Think of all the stress relief that you and a foster "child" could exchange to each other. Shelters are a stressful environment.

You already have compassion in your heart so something to think about in the future. I'm not attempting to force you to do anything, just something to consider.

It also helps to vent.

[LoisB]

12. I do hope it gets easier for you. Grief is mysterious; there is no "normal".

[AZJonnie]

13. Losing our beloved pets is up there with the worst things that ever happens to people commonly

It's not appropriate to make any sort of diagnosis from afar, but I can say that it's not uncommon for the pain to last for weeks and be borderline debilitating for a time. It's not necessarily that something is wrong with someone emotionally or mentally when that happens. It can just mean that person is capable of loving deeply.

Take care of yourself mate, and know you are loved

[cksmithy]

14. i am so sorry for your loss.

I am 75, lost both parents, in laws, aunts and uncles, but our family was not close. My very favorite aunt , who I stayed in contact with, said to me after one of our daughter's wedding, when just visiting and catching up, "Doesn't anybody in your family talk to each other?" No, I responded, our family really doesn't talk to each other. She was gobsmacked that my mother hadn't told me stuff about her and her kids, my cousins. Since we really didn't talk to each other or feel enough to keep in touch about important things, I felt no great life changing sadness for my relatives when they died, all after living long full lives. My In Laws is very different, very loving and important, but they both died young, 59 and 75. That was 50 to 40 years ago.

When our last dog passed away 5+ years ago, it was so tough to handle. My husband and I cried everyday. Every time we came home, we expected to see her nose poking through fence knot hole in our gate, thought it was time time to feed her. When we realized she wasn't there, we shed a tear and felt her absence. That went on for years. Our last furry kid, a cat, passed away about 2 years ago. The same thing happened, I kept expecting to see her curled up in her chair when we came home and felt sadness.

Our furry children live with us for years, we care for them, we talk to them and we have fun with them. My favorite aunt, when visiting her, we couldn't talk about politics because of my uncle, but we could always share stories about what our furry kids were up to. My uncle even would talk about the antics their cats got into.

I hardly ever post or respond to posts, but I want you to know that other people, including myself, have felt profound sadness at the loss of a furry child. When we lost our first cat, at the age of 18, I cried for days, weeks. Since we have two daughters, we always joked about him being our son. Of course he was the world's great cat, (proud parent) very inquisitive, followed us around like a dog and would always help my husband out, whenever he opened the hood of one of our cars.

Take care. You are perfectly normal.

[irisblue]

15. When my heart dog, Alex the most handsome prince of north Columbus passed, it was in the era of yahoo groups

I vented there A LOT for at least a year

We are your friends and very very very distant family to you & your wife.
Vent away

[Susan Calvin]

16. I am so sorry for your loss.

It is so hard to find a therapist. I finally went to one after the 2024 election, and I was so fortunate to find a good one that I clicked with. I hope you have the same luck finding one. I really do recommend it. I had never been to one before in my life, but it was getting really bad; sounds like you're in even worse shape than I was.

[FakeNoose]

17. Maybe go spend some time with an understanding friend who owns a dog?

I have a friend like that, and she lets me hold and play with her little miniature dachshund Heidi, who is just a sweetheart.

Heidi isn't anything like my Buddy who I lost a year ago, so it's not like I'm pretending. But it's still nice to play with Heidi and tickle her and hold her. I only get to see her once or twice a month. I guess that's enough for me. I'm not ready to get another dog just yet.

[Tree Lady]

18. So sorry for your pain

My husband is already saying he will be the same way when our golden goes. He is 9 now and I hope for more years.

He is like a son to us and give us more love and support than anyone in our lives.

Go ahead grieve its totally ok.

[1WorldHope]

19. I don't know your age or your location, but I wonder if...

... your local Aging services could help you find a good counselor more fitting your age. (I get that it doesn't feel helpful to talk to someone we still see as a teenager). If this isn't an option, do you have a regular doctor? Call them and tell them what's going on with you.
And vent away here. Everyone loves you and loves talking to you. You are not alone and you are not weird or a burden to anyone here on DU. 💜

[blue_jay]

20. That's a lot of people (in my book dogs, cats, etc. are people too)

I thought I'd lost a lot of people and though I've never counted, your list sounds longer. I like to believe they are all still with us in some form or another, especially those dearest to us. I doubt that idea helps now. I am going through my own recent grieving process, and what seems like a perpetual grieving process over many years. I don't know if you'll find the perfect counselor though there are good ones out there, I had a great one used guided meditation and hypnosis training who I no longer have access to. Perhaps look for those who focus on PTSD and somatic techniques as well as grief, or consider acupuncture if you are open to it. I used that for a particularly traumatic loss, I went to a school for 5 element provider though if you decide to go that route make sure it is one who uses more gentle techniques, many are not. Try to remember to breathe and go outside in nature if you can, it can be very soothing. Allow yourself to cry when you can, get the pain out. Nature and standing or sitting barefoot on the grass is really good for depression. And of course know that there are many in this community who support you. Being alone, is not so good. Sending you caring, peaceful energy. It is sometimes harder being the one that is still here. I try to believe there is a purpose for that.

I hope that some of these ideas help you. It sounds like you've been down this road before so perhaps you've tried them all. I hope you are able to find your way and not fall back into that depression you spoke of in your past. It's okay to be grieving the loss of your furry friend, sometimes we cry most when we lose those that give us unconditional love. I don't think they want you to be so sad now. I am trying to be strong and remember that myself. And remember, there is nothing wrong with you, what you are going through is actually a normal part of grieving at least so I've read, so I hope you can try to not to be too hard on yourself.

[PatrickforB]

21. Nothing not normal here. You have to feel the grief to get through it. Tears cleanse.

I think we are near the same age. I'm 67 and the death of pets affects me a bit more these days too. I think that goes with the territory. I had a beautiful little tuxedo cat and he was my boy. We had to put him down last October and I cried like a baby. I loved that little guy. I still miss him and find myself getting teary sometimes when I remember.

[LuvLoogie]

22. Your vessel will see you through this turbulence and any storms arising

Under blankets in the hold or lashed to the deck amid the fury,

Have a tankard to your loved ones.

A shout to the flung spirits.

At my Father's funeral, I read this Sonnet by John Donne

At the round earth's imagined corners, blow
Your trumpets, angels, and arise, arise
From death, you numberless infinities
Of souls, and to your scattered bodies go,
All whom the flood did, and fire shall, o'erthrow,
All whom war, dearth, age, agues, tyrannies,
Despair, law, chance, hath slain, and you whose eyes,
Shall behold God, and never taste death's woe.
But let them sleep, Lord, and me mourn a space;
For, if above all these, my sins abound,
'Tis late to ask abundance of thy grace,
When we are there. Here on this lowly ground,
Teach me how to repent; for that's as good
As if thou' hadst seal'd my pardon with thy blood.

[Marthe48]

23. Would your vet be able to recommend a therapist?

They might know of a grief counselor or group who are understanding of your loss.

As an aside, I read Dear Abby every day. I've read several letters about people who have lost their beloved pets. Some of the writers can't overcome grief and loss. Others wonder why their friends and relatives don't understand how they feel. Abby has recommended grief therapy or counseling to many of the writers.

Deep grief can last for months. The ancient Romans allowed up to 3 days of grieving for the loss of a child, but we are not ancient Romans, and we can take as much time as we'd like.

Sending prayers to ease your pain and lift your heart.

[Bumbles]

24. My mother died 22 years ago at 86, tired of being ill and ready to go. My poodle Ally, at nine, wasn't ready to go.

I mourned our having lost my mother, the family magnet, but also knew she was ready. My girl Ally, a nine year old poodle who died from what I believe was avoidable immune mediated hemolytic response caused by over vaccinating, was too young and not ready to go. I mourned her more than I did my mother's dying. I cried for days and would feel the weight of her loss spontaneously and for no apparent reason for many months. I still get teary when I say her name and I lost her about fifteen years ago. Please let yourself mourn. There is no right or wrong way, only your way. Do get help, even meds, to avoid major depression.