I was at my uncle's tonight helping him load a canoe on his trailer for the weekend.

[Probatim]

We've been telling the same jokes for years and have gotten to the point where we only need to say the punchline - and we laugh like idiots.

For instance, tonight he mentioned a car wreck at the bottom of the hill from his house. All I said was "wrecked 'im, damn near killed him" and we're back to laughing.

On vacation, he said he might go fishing and I responded "you might, rabbit, you just might" (from Bugs Bunny). The two of us are at the kitchen table repeating that line for 5 minutes and laughing while our wives are wondering what's in the water.

I thought creating a thread with just punchlines might be funny (for me anyway).

So knock yourself out and, if necessary, throw the joke in the message text box.

[cloudbase]

1. You mean to tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?

[LakeArenal]

2. I didn't say Minnie is insane. I said she is fucking Goofy.

[Probatim]

4. With a beer or two in me, I can do his voice perfectly for that joke.

[LakeArenal]

5. Perfect

[Probatim]

12. It's also the perfect joke to tell on the bus to Downtown Disney - esp if no kids are around.

[LakeArenal]

13. It's my favorite joke. It always gets a laugh.

It’s the one I always tell.

[Probatim]

14. Hillbilly Vasectomy joke is one of my favorites. I get to act that one out and

no one sees it coming until the end.

[Atticus]

3. Who do I look like---Betty Crocker?

[Probatim]

7. One similar to that is...

I said I was gonna make you breakfast, but my husband said "fuck him".

[Atticus]

11. Another: "So, then she asked if there was anything else my wife no longer used." nt

[Atticus]

6. Well, they sure threw us out a the Kroger store! nt

[Probatim]

8. I'm not allowed in Giant Eagle any more - for those of us in Western PA.

[SaveOurDemocracy]

9. Small, medium, large, what do I know? Big enough to fit a camel! 😄

[uppityperson]

10. The brick.

[underpants]

19. I had to look that one up

I knew it but couldn’t think of it. The brick joke(s) YES!!!

[uppityperson]

29. I've never run into anyone who knew that joke beyond my family

[cloudbase]

15. The Aristocrats!

(Somebody had to.)

[Probatim]

16. I almost put that in there as a good example.

Gilber Gottfried's version is sooo foul.

[Marcuse]

17. I don't charge anything for mowing the lawn, but I get to sleep with the lady inside.

[ggma]

18. "Hey, Josephus!"

"Hey, Motherf***er!"

...History of the World

gg

[rubbersole]

20. Why not? I'm a fungi.

[broiles]

21. Sheep lie.

[Probatim]

22. Don't listen to a thing they say!

[Cracklin Charlie]

23. Back in the early days of SNL,

My mom used to get a huge kick out of a skit with two news anchors, a man and a woman, who would argue with each other about news topics. She had a favorite line from the skit.

One day my mom and I were arguing about something, and I looked at her, and I said…”Momma, you ignorant slut”.

We laughed so, so hard. I still get a chuckle today.

[Higherarky]

24. The southern belle said, "Why, I don't rightly know,

but when I caught my breath, I called him 'Precious!'"

[Probatim]

25. That's pretty funny...

[mopinko]

26. and the mental patient points to his head and says 'kidneys'

i honestly dont remember the joke, except that the schtick is a mental patient who has to identify parts of the body to get released. sure i could reconstruct it.
but it was family shorthand to point to your head and say 'kidneys' when you've done something stupid.

[mopinko]

27. also, i still regularly say- sure, sure, that's the ticket

when someone tries to bullshit me.

[Rachel M at 6 pm]

28. "It was a pineapple"

(Brent Briscoe playing Lou Chambers in A Simple Plan)

[denbot]

30. Is potato..

What, too soon?

[Marthe48]

31. He was half nuts

[Marthe48]

32. Are you going to screw around or play golf?

[Marthe48]

33. Well, I am the parish priest

[Marthe48]

34. Put him under a bridge with a radar gun!

[DJ Porkchop]

35. Show him your badge!

[Probatim]

36. I'd forgotten that joke - thanks!