Man Binge-Watches Entire Movie In One Sitting

[erronis]

https://theonion.com/man-binge-watches-entire-movie-in-one-sitting/
Published: July 10, 2026

COLUMBUS, OH--Expressing embarrassment at the sheer amount of time that had passed, local man Evan Pfister reportedly binge-watched an entire movie in one sitting on Friday. "Wow, I must have been staring at this screen for hours. Well, almost hours. An hour and forty nine minutes, to be precise," said Pfister, who told reporters that he knew it probably "wasn't healthy," but the film just kept autoplaying one scene after another. "I usually like to watch my movies one Instagram Reels clip at a time, but what can I say? I guess I was just sucked in wanting to know what would happen to Selena Gomez and her friends in Monte Carlo." At press time, Pfister was wondering out loud if perhaps his behavior was a symptom of depression.

[Tetrachloride]

1. good thing the area man doesn't have a job

[3Hotdogs]

2. Fuck. Since this website is anonymous, I don't mind telling yiz - I read 12 pages of a 313 page book last night.

Last edited Sun Jul 12, 2026, 07:09 AM - Edit history (1)

It was big and heavy. Almost a pound. If it was lighter, I might'a been able to read 18 or even 20 pages of it. It was somthin' about some city but the guy was confused about the time he was living it. Something about it being good times and wurst of times and he didn't even know what city he was living in.

Maybe it was taken from some old Star Trek episode with McCoy and Spock trying to fuck up Kirk's head.

I will try to read two or three more pages on it tomorrow and let yiz know how it goes.

[ZZenith]

3. If the book reading doesn't work out

you can always take up knitting.

[Tetrachloride]

4. Gromit does both !

Wallace and Gromit

The Wrong Trousers

[erronis]

5. Be careful with those heavy books. There are reports of suffocation and face crushing if you fall asleep.

Comics are safer!

(I heard Playboy could be dangerous also.)

[3Hotdogs]

6. Playboy and the Sears catalog. Those womens wear stuff under their dresses we guys didn't now about until Sears came in

the mail.

Now erronis, if you're a girl, please don't read no more of this cause it's embarrassing.

But erronis did ya ever hold a Playboy - one with Ellen Page in one hand and miss a stroke and smack yourself in the eye?

[erronis]

7. Jeez, 3hd - I told you I only heard about it. Now, the National Geos....

[3Hotdogs]

8. But National G's were only found in libraries and Dr.s offices - - a setting in which it would be difficult to

find relief from the tension.

Libraries - this brings me back to my high school. I swear this story is true.

Scene. First year the town's new high school is opened. 1956. I'm in 9th grade. The librarian was late 20's or early 30's, single. One of the nicest people you would want to know.

Scenario: A couple of days into the new school year and things to be ironed out. One of them is the process to allow kids who want to go from study hall to the library and make sure they ALL get from point A (study hall) to point B, which by now, you can guess is the library.

Simple. There's a yellow pad. Sign your name on it, last kid takes the pad to the library and the librarian reads out the names.

And so it begins: " Bobby G." " Here."
"Dennis O. "Here"
"Jack C". (That was me). "Here"
"Dick Huertz". silence.
"Dick Huertz". silence.

Louder "Dick Huertz". Silence.

Even louder, "Who's Dick Huertz?"

20 young lads: "MINE ! "

The poor woman turned red, quickly vanished into her office, never to be seen for the rest of the period.


Being now in my 80's and a retired teacher, while I can look back at that episode with a smile, I still feel some guild and sadness, thinking about it.