I Can't Believe No One Believes My Very Believable Story About Teleporting To Waffle House

[erronis]

https://www.wonkette.com/p/i-cant-believe-no-one-believes-my
Gary Legum

No one believed Galileo, either.

A very believable accounting of Greg Phillips' transportations. Much more in Gary Legum's serious post. Background from the NYT: https://www.nytimes.com/2026/04/03/us/fema-gregg-phillips-waffle-house-teleportation.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share

I am damned sick and tired of people telling me there's no such thing as teleportation, and that there must be some other explanation for the time I teleported to the Waffle House. I don't know what other explanation there could be. I was in one place, and then I was in another place fifty miles away. Just like that.

Yes, I was heavily medicated due to suffering enormous pain from a case of gout. Have you ever had gout, Jim? The joint in my big toe swelled up to roughly the size of one of those honeydew melons. Of course I needed the painkillers. I don't see what that has to do with anything.

But anyway, I was home when it happened. I was lying on the couch yelling for my wife to bring me my pills quick because I couldn't get up and I wanted to chop off my entire foot just to make the pain stop. She comes running in and gives me my pills and I'm just laying there waiting for them to kick in. Then they weren't working so I took some more. A bunch more.

Louise, God bless her, tried to get my mind off it by asking where I'd want to go out to eat when I got better. I didn't even have to say anything, I just thought the words Waffle House. Next thing I know, I'm in the parking lot at Waffle House and my foot doesn't hurt.

. . .