Latest Breaking News

Wonder Why

(7,523 posts)

7. Breaking News Report - July 7, 2036. Mitch McConnell's handlers finally decided they can no longer keep him

Reply to generalbetrayus (Original post)

Tue Jul 7, 2026, 06:01 PM

21 hrs ago

"technically alive" since most of his body rotted away after he was declared brain dead 10 years ago. In those 10 years, he voted remotely for every repug bill and was re-elected again and again by his MAGA followers who voted based on replays of his old speeches. "After his heart was eaten by the other kind of MAGAts, there was no way to force it to keep pumping blood" said King Cheeto II, son of Cheeto Pedo. Between counting his trillions, he sad "Mitch had a big heart. That's how we kept him alive - it took 10 years to be eaten".

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

7 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

MAGA Demands Proof Mitch McConnell Is Alive as His Office Stonewalls [View all] generalbetrayus Yesterday OP

Maybe a photo of him sitting up, eyes open, holding today's New York Times? Ocelot II Yesterday #1

Hysterical! They Seem to Be Insisting on Proof of "Life"; Most of Us Would Be Thrilled The Roux Comes First Yesterday #2

Too late. LudwigPastorius Yesterday #3

Choir ? He'd never get that high in the loop dave99 23 hrs ago #4

ROFLMAO!! So MAGA'S just figured out their party is one big CON JOB?? Bengus81 23 hrs ago #5

"What do you call this? Bed-curtains?" QueerDuck 23 hrs ago #6

Breaking News Report - July 7, 2036. Mitch McConnell's handlers finally decided they can no longer keep him Wonder Why 21 hrs ago #7