Trump says Gordie Howe bridge won't open without Canadian concessions

[gfarber]

11. Gordie Howe Bridge

There once was a bridge newly done,
From Windsor to Michigan run.
But Trump slammed the gate,
Cried “We’ll block it—just wait!”
Till trade wondered what he’d begun.

The Chamber up north made a fuss,
Said, “Blocking yourself’s disastrous.
Is it real? Is it bluff?
Either way it’s rough stuff—
Self-defeat dressed up as a plus.”

Canada paid for the span,
A joint little U.S.–Can plan.
So it’s murky at best
How Trump could arrest
A bridge neither owned nor quite ran.

He might cry an “emergency” spell,
That trick he’s performed rather well.
If routine feels dire,
He’ll still pull the wire—
Expanded authority to sell.

Nearby stands Ambassador Bridge,
A toll-collecting old ridge.
Owned by Moroun’s clan,
They’d rather it stand
Without fresh new steel on the edge.

Trump mused, with a toll-boothy grin,
“We should get at least half—chip in.”
Praise once flowed like wine:
“A vital link!”—back in time,
Before coherence started to thin.

Bad Bunny one day—what a ride—
Canadian bridges next tide.
From tariffs to tunes,
To geopolitical prunes,
Mentally incontinent pride.