Man caught pleasuring himself in public tells police he's Captain Kirk.

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And if you guessed Florida, you were correct!

Clearwater police were called to a bus stop on Gulf to Bay Boulevard around 11:20 a.m. Monday for a report of a lewd and lascivious act.

Responding officers say they found a man sitting on a bench touching himself under his shorts. In an arrest report, police noted it was "obvious" the man was masturbating.

When officers asked what he was doing, the man told them, "I'm scratching myself."

The arrest report states the man told police his name was "James Tiberius Kirk," the full name of the fictional character Captain Kirk from Star Trek.

If he was really Captain Kirk he wouldn't need to....oh hell, I give up.