Tony Porter Ted talk; A call to men.

[Warren DeMontague]

43. Hmm. Okay, my response.

do you want your 12 year old daughter to be some 13 yr old's sex toy?

Personally, i think that 12 and 13 are too young to be having sex, although why that situation would imply that the 12 yr old girl was the "sex toy" of the 13 yr old boy.. Romeo and Juliet were supposed to be about that age, i think, and the premise was not that the relationship was exploitative in one direction. But like i said, Shakespeare notwithstanding--- my opinion is that age is too young to have sex.

That said, statistically, boys in this country lose their virginity, on avg. at 16, girls at 15. This was borne out by my experience, back in the day.. I was 16, the girl i was with was 15. This was back when we were all supposed to be listening to Nancy Reagan and "just saying no"... Some of us just refused to get the memo. It was mutual, and while it may have been a little clumsy, i think there was no lasting emotional harm done to either of us. Shit, we're friends on facebook to this day.

And my experience was pretty typical of the crowd i ran in.

I think it is difficult, as a parent, to reconcile ourselves with the statistical likelihood that our kids will hit the same sort of sexual maturity we did, before we as aging parents are ready for them to. My attitude towards teaching my kids about it is the same regardless of gender: Sex is important, it is a meaningful act, it should be someone you care about, use protection, and certainly I'd be thrilled if you waited until you were at college (although i don't expect that to be the case). And dont do anything for the wrong reasons, like due to pressure or because you think it will make someone like you more.

I also hear a lot of hyperbole about how "kids today" are doing such n such or that its worse than it used to be. My inclination is to take it with a grain of salt. Parents and culture watchdogs have ALWAYS been aghast at what "these kids today" are doing, whether it is rock and roll in the 50s or wearing low cut togas in the time of Socrates. It sounds, to me, an awful lot like the desperate rationalizations drug warriors make, trying to convince boomers and Gen Xers who grew up smoking pot, to continue to support prohibition. "oh, but pot now is much worse" yadda yadda.

I don't buy it.