Sexual boundaries (Yes, Assange related)

[malthaussen]

3. Issues of consent will always be difficult

... because everyone has a different definition of what constitutes "consent." And, for that matter, how long "consent" lasts. I think it would be rather hard to derive any consensus on this issue, because it is something that has to be worked out between the individuals involved.

Having said that, I think it is quite common for both men and women, whether over-nighters or in longer-lasting sexual relationships, to "assault" their partners occasionally by beginning sexual relations while the other is asleep. It certainly never bothered me when it happened to me. But if we argue that "it isn't rape if she's sleeping," (which is a gross distortion of this principle), then we can be said to argue that it is all right to initiate sexual activity with a sleeping woman even if prior consent has never been given, which is absurd. It appears common sense flies out the window when this discussion is raised.

More to the point, I think, is the issue of the condom: if it has already been established between the partners that a condom is required whether or not it is "necessary," then it is clearly a violation to proceed without one. It goes beyond discourtesy, I would suggest. The fact that the woman gave "consent" when the act was already underway does fuzz the distinction, somewhat -- but it often happens that a woman undergoing assault will "give in" because of any number of psychological factors that really do not add up to true "consent." But whether or not this constitutes a criminal activity I find difficult to assess -- my instinct is that he should give some satisfaction to the woman involved, but that it isn't a matter in which the State need be involved.

-- Mal