I would like some help writing a respectful negative review

[HopeHoops]

3. Try "Shut your festering gob, you tit. Your kind really make me want to puke." (But seriously)...

Well, maybe you should use some less colorful language.

As for the review, I think it is entirely appropriate to "take her to task". Is there a point behind making him gay? Perhaps it is a necessary component of the story line, but your perception as described in the OP would indicate that it wasn't obvious or perhaps even non-existent. Before you send the review, reread the entire comment replacing "gay" with "black", "Mexican", "Asian", or any other stereotypes you can think of. If your comment passes that test, then it is ready to go. The review won't be taken seriously by the author if you let it drift into "you're a gay-bashing homophobic idiot" type language and it really should serve as an awakening to the use of stereotypes as much as it is a critique of the overall piece of work. If you liked the story otherwise, be sure to say so.