I thought it would get better by now. Husband died 2-6 and I still can't sleep and must force

[highplainsdem]

61. I'm so sorry, Ziggysmom.

We're here for you, and others have already offered some of the advice I would have. I'd especially recommend grief support groups, whether online or off, whichever you feel more comfortable with. They helped me through a year when I lost four loved ones.

The guilt you feel mixed with grief is something I believe is common for caregivers. Even if you did everything possible, and if everyone who knew the situation told you that you did everything possible, there's a tendency to feel that maybe you could have done something more. I searched for your older messages about the caregiving, and I believe you gave your husband the best possible care, and kept him at home as long as possible. You have no real reason to feel guilty, but you loved him and you couldn't keep him healthy forever, and the guilt is from not having been able to work a miracle to make him healthy again.

I have no idea what your beliefs about an afterlife might be. I'm not religious - left the Catholic Church I was raised in when I was a teenager, have never been tempted to follow any other religion. But one thing I found very comforting with grief support groups was hearing personal stories of experiences people there had had, experiences that convinced them our loved ones are still very much alive on the other side. That we all have reunions to look forward to.

There's a relaxation technique, originally developed to help with PTSD, that might help you sleep. I've used it for that sometimes. To me it feels like instant meditation.