'Melania' is so, so, so bad

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Culture

'Melania' is so, so, so bad

SFGATE columnist Drew Magary watched 'Melania' so you don't have to


First lady Melania Trump in the documentary “Melania.”
Amazon/MGM Studios

By Drew Magary, Columnist
Feb 6, 2026

I’m in Philadelphia. I’ve just smoked a joint in a back alley and then checked into my hotel. My room is on the 10th floor: a corner room with a beautiful view of downtown Philly in front of my bed and to the right of it. I plop down on the hotel bed and close my eyes, taking in the late afternoon sun blasting through the windows. I feel the sun on my skin. On my face. The THC does its work and now I no longer feel as if I’m in Pennsylvania at all. I feel as if I’m lying in a great glass case, on display for the angels to see. I feel transported. Safe. Glorious.

And for just a lone, unpleasant second, I think to myself, “Hey man, this must be how Melania Trump feels all the time.”

This is because I’d just seen “Melania” the day before this. For work, mind you. I’d never actually go see this film of my own accord, although a handful of our most gullible Americans did just that over the weekend. The first lady’s self-produced “documentary” made $7 million at the box office over that period, defeating initial expectations that it would gross $0 million. Like Jimmy Kimmel, I’m not convinced that everyone who bought a ticket to “Melania” actually bothered to attend “Melania.” But honestly, you and I have bigger lies to debunk right now. The only important thing here is that “Melania” exists, even if barely so. It’s the least essential movie I’ve ever seen. That it exists at all is a damning indictment of all the backroom deals that went into its production and of all the people involved in those deals, the first lady included.

A quick rundown of said deals: Amazon/MGM, owned by Trump donor Jeff Bezos, purchased “Melania” for $40 million and then spent an extra $35 million to promote it, somewhat negating that initial $7 million box office haul. The film was directed by Hollywood exile Brett Ratner, who was credibly accused of sexual assault by multiple women back in 2017, and reportedly acted like a pig while on the set of this film as well. Ratner was also just hired to direct “Rush Hour 4” because President Trump wants one, and because we all remember the “Rush Hour” films exclusively for Ratner’s keen direction. Hence, this Melania documentary was never intended to make a profit. It was only made so that it could be made.

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Feb 6, 2026

Drew Magary
Columnist
Drew Magary is a columnist for SFGATE and a co-founder of Defector. His new book, "The Night the Lights Went Out," is available right now.